The Kristi Noem Unreality Show

The cruelty is the point ... in Cinemascope

It seems Kristi Noem is at it again, this time in Huntington Park.¹ Yet another immigration round-up, but this one has a twist. Well, several twists.

This time Noem brought a camera crew. She was caught on video getting her hair and makeup done. Because when you’re sending someone to Alligator Alcatraz, apparently it’s important to look your best.

“ICE Barbie”

ICE Barbie at first seems an apt moniker, if one shallowly conflates Barbie with blow-dried hair and lip filler. But it misses the soul of who Barbie is, and by extension who she empowers little girls to be:

“My whole philosophy of Barbie was that, through the doll, the little girl could be anything she wanted to be. Barbie always represented the fact that a woman has choices.”

―Ruth Handler (creator of the Barbie doll)

If Barbie can empower you to be anything, what does it mean that you would choose to be the person who’s the public face of ripping communities apart? If a woman has choices, what does it mean for her to link her persona with Alligator Alcatraz?

To call Kristi Noem “ICE Barbie” is to demean Barbie (and Ruth Handler)

Though I knew a bit of the back story, it wasn’t until I went to the Mattel Barbie Exhibit in Las Vegas that I fully appreciated Barbie for who she and her creator Ruth Handler were. In a loving retrospective and carefully curated representation of all Barbie had been, Barbie was unflinchingly positive. Astronaut, beach goer, physician, fashion designer - she could do it all.

I was far more excited than I thought I should be to hop into the life-sized Malibu Beach car and take selfies. (If you get a chance to go, it’s awesome!)

I was never a fan of Barbie growing up, for two reasons. One, I was raised at a time when boys didn’t play with dolls (though I confess I desperately wanted a Suzy Homemaker washer/dryer because it seemed so high-tech for the late 1960’s). The other reason was that I really didn’t understand the Barbie ethos. I, too, looked at her and thought “pretty doll who can’t stand without her shoes.”

The fact that there was a continuous stream of dolls that frequently entered formerly male-only professions faster than their human counterparts what something I’d noticed but didn’t really reflect on terribly much. But when confronted at the exhibit with 75 years of history positioned in order, with placards to clarify, I gained a fresh appreciation for who Barbie was.

So what do we make of “ICE Barbie?”

Well, to the extent she might be compared with the real Barbie, she “could be anything” and she “made her choice.” Noem is someone who has been someone blessed with significant opportunity in life. She was a state governor. She’s been important in GOP politics. And now she has a national presence. This is what she chose.

When one considers the thing that caused us to mock her, though (and unwittingly insult Mattel) in the first place, what stands out is how artificial she is. Noem looks nothing like photos of her from a few years ago - but not in a good way. They’re portraits of Dorian Gray before the best plastic surgery South Dakota has to offer. Massive amount of facial filler, botox, makeup, new hair. She seems to have re-invented herself. This is also what she chose.

Maybe Kristi Noem is flattered by the comparison. Maybe she has a Barbie doll stuffed away in a closet somewhere. If she does, I hope she pulls it out some day, and hears a little whisper from it: “I taught you you could be anything…and that you had choices. And this is what you chose?”

“I’ve been to the Barbie retrospective. Kristi Noem is no Barbie.”

Barbie certainly was no stranger to law enforcement. But no one would associate Officer Barbie with police brutality. Barbie also took other forms: nurse, doctor, veterinarian. Barbie was not just about imagination - she is about compassion and empathy.

Barbie has had other personae - as a scientist and an astronaut. Careers that don’t turn their back on knowledge and truth.

In a nod to Elle Woods, there is a “Legally Blonde” Barbie.² There is a judge Barbie - actually several.³ These are Barbies who respect the law and help interpret it. There are also African-American Barbies who are judges. Barbie was an early champion of racial equality. Barbie as a pilot.⁴ All sorts of women who achieve things by lifting people up.

Even if there were an “ICE Barbie” I wouldn’t expect her to wear a mask. Her smile would remind me that no matter what my circumstances I could trust her to treat me with respect, and that even if her job meant processing my deportation that she would treat me with dignity, and not let human rights abuses befall me. ICE Barbie would bring humanity to the role of border enforcement.

There is an unshakeable optimism about Barbie. She just decides that’s what she’s going to be next. And there’s a fundamental goodness. She’s always got a slight smile. She’s never angry or mean-spirited.

She’s the kind of woman you’d want your little girl to grow up to be. Someone not only with agency and opportunity, but optimism and empathy.

Kristi Noem is none of those things.

“We can do better. We must do better.”

Kristi Noem and the rest of the high profile women of the Trump administration try to fashion themselves into a high-gloss, camera-friendly, Barbie-esque sort of look, but in reality Noem and her ilk are cruel, vacuous, and largely uninteresting people. They might have aimed for Barbie’s look, but they left out Barbie’s soul.

Perhaps instead of calling Noem “ICE Barbie” we can find a way to communicate through comparisons with Barbie how short she falls of being a good and competent professional, or more fundamentally how she fails to be a decent human being.

If I had a daughter I would love for her to grow up to be anything like pretty much any Barbie doll.

I would not want her to grow up in any way to be like Kristi Noem.

1. https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/how-u-s-citizen-in-huntington-park-found-dhs-sec-kristi-noem-at-her-door/3722903/. Accessed July 11, 2025.

2. https://en.barbiepedia.com/barbie/barbie-doll-as-elle-woods-from-legally-blonde-2-red-white-and-blonde-B9234.html. Accessed July 11, 2025.

3. https://money.com/judge-barbie-doll-careers-collectibles/. Accessed July 11, 2025.

4. https://en.barbiepedia.com/barbie/muneca-barbie-piloto-GFX25.html. Accessed July 11, 2025.